- You count the number of sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal.

- You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.

- You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

- You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

- Your child throws up and you catch it.

- Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.

- You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

- You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.

- Your child insists that you read "Once upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office and you do it.

- You hire a baby sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then you spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.

- You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

- You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.

- You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

- You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then you obsess when he skips in without looking back.

- You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

- You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."

- You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

- You read that the average-five-year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."